School Admin Sets Record For Most Fonts In Single Newsletter

School Administrator Deborah D. Zine of Chesterfield County Public Schools has set a new record for the most fonts used in a single academic newsletter. 

Yesterday’s weekly newsletter for Steady Brook Elementary School contained no fewer than sixteen different fonts, twelve unique colors, ten font sizes, and a combination of regular, italicized, and bold formatting. 

The newsletter’s highlighter-yellow background, combined with its noisy combination of fonts and formatting, received attention last year when it was reportedly studied by the CIA for its potential use in an interrogation technique known as “visual waterboarding.” 

“We’re excited to see one of our administrators recognized for their efforts,” a spokesperson for CCPS told us on Monday. “Our parents have nicknamed the newsletter ‘Assault on the Eyes’ and look forward to the challenge of deciphering its contents each week. We're told that it's more challenging than the New York Times Crossword Puzzle, though admittedly not as satisfying."