Opinion: Dave's Cul-de-sac Really Dropped The Ball On Christmas Lights This Year

By Chris Crinkles

OK, so my buddy Dave is a good guy. He's the kind of dude that will lend you his pressure washer and then come help you clean your deck. And afterwards he'll bring over a six pack and we'll drink it while we admire our (his) work. Solid dude all around. 

And his cul-de-sac is pretty much the place to be on a Friday night. Everyone is out, the kids are all entertaining themselves and generally leaving us alone, and his neighbors are super cool. Everyone brings out those smokeless fire pits in the winter, Pete always has something in the smoker, and Jerry has a freaking kegerator in his freaking garage. They even have a cul-de-sac signature cocktail, but I won't mention the name here because it's a little PG-13. 

So the other night after dinner, my wife and I decide to drive the kids around to look at Christmas lights. And I'm like, "Honey, I know exactly where to start." And you guessed it. We head straight for Dave's cul-de-sac, because based on everything I know about Dave and his neighbors, I'm sure their Christmas setup will be absolutely bonkers. 

So we're getting close to the entrance to Dave's street and I'm getting all antsy and hyping up the kids with my energy. I can barely contain myself. I see the corner house and it's surprisingly a little dark, no Christmas decorations, but the people in the corner house are a little weird and standoffish, so no big surprise there. Everyone has a neighbor like that on their street, even Dave. And if you're thinking you don't have a neighbor like that, then dude, you're probably that neighbor.

Anyways, we turn onto Dave's street past the weird house and start creeping slowly down toward the cul-de-sac at the end. And I've gotta say, at this point, I'm getting a little nervous. Because I expected the cul-de-sac to be an absolute beacon of light at the end of the street. I thought we'd be staring down a gauntlet of holiday cheer unmatched by anything else in the greater Brandermill area. Instead, it looked very... average. Not bad, per se, but not at all what I imagined from a group of spectacular people like Dave and his neighbors. Let me explain. 

First we come to the Anderson house, and I have to be honest, it was a pretty poor showing. They hung some of those icicle lights, but they obviously ran out before they could finish. The lights stopped about three feet short of the corner of the house. C'mon, guys. Measure twice, hang once. 

Next, the Petersons. They took the tasteful (i.e. boring) route, with electric candles and wreaths in each window. I think they're both architects or something, so you'd expect this kind of thing from them. It's fine, I get it, just not my cup of tea. Which is probably what the Petersons are drinking right now while they're balancing their checkbooks or something.

Now I appreciate the effort from the Cooper house. Best showing by far. My only complaint here is that they had a little too much going on. Star Wars, Marvel, classic Disney, and a few references to National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Characters from no less than four separate universes. I'm like, guys, thanks for the energy, but next year, pick a concept. 

The rest of the houses aren't even worth mentioning, honestly. I was pretty rattled and didn't talk much the rest of the night. We did see some spectacular displays in other parts of the neighborhood, not always where you'd expect. 

After the kids went to bed that night, I sat next to our front window for a while, looking out at my own neighbors' Christmas lights, appreciating our slice of the neighborhood a little more. Maybe there's a lesson here, something about being thankful for what I have. 

And let's be honest, Dave is super cool, but my grass looks way better than his.