Single Daily Banana Tasked With Maintaining Neighborhood Man's Health

By Wellness Correspondent Linda Spry

Glen Scurvy, 38, of Walnut Creek, relies on a single daily banana to maintain his overall health, sources report. 

Though Glen starts his day with a cigarette, an energy drink, and a leftover slice of cold pizza, he always stops at Sheetz and picks up a banana on the way to work. The single piece of fruit provides Glen with potassium, vitamin C, and just enough fiber to squeak by.

As Glen nears lunchtime, the lone banana, now passing from his stomach into his small intestine, offers Glen's body nearly enough antioxidants to combat the barrage of chemicals it receives from a fast food sandwich and a diet soft drink.

Glen's mid-afternoon Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccino is no match for the solitary banana he consumed hours earlier. The carcinogens found in the sugary-sweet coffee drink are moderated by the banana's phytonutrients, still bravely coursing through his bloodstream.

Though Glen's dinner is completely devoid of fruits, vegetables, or fiber of any kind, the banana he devoured a full twelve hours prior will enable his digestive system to operate with just enough capacity to adequately prepare his body for another day. 

Rest well, Glen. We at The Beacon salute you.