Chesterfield Asks Residents To Call 811 Before Digging Any Shallow Graves This Holiday Season

Chesterfield County has asked residents to call 811 and request to have their utility lines marked prior to digging any shallow graves this holiday season.

While many residents enjoy time with extended family over the holidays, others experience a great deal of stress and anxiety. Unfortunately, disagreements among family members at holiday gatherings often end with someone hastily digging a shallow grave to conceal the body of an in-law or distant cousin.

“We understand you may feel compelled to murder and bury your drunk uncle in the back yard after his racist rant during Christmas dinner. We just ask that you do the right thing and have your utility lines marked beforehand,” a spokesperson for public utilities said on Monday.

The Beacon’s landscaping correspondent Trisha Mulch recommends burying your family member at least three feet deep and away from any water sources. After filling in the hole, lightly rake the soil to conceal the grave.

Happy holidays to you and yours.

-The Beacon staff