BCA Compliance Pleads with Worst Offenders to Make Literally Any Home Improvement

The Brandermill Community Association is pleading with the owners of the community’s most derelict properties to make literally any home improvement.

“We are no longer asking for specific improvements. We have found this is clearly too much to ask of some residents. Going forward, we will ask the worst violators of the neighborhood covenants to make any home improvement. Literally, any improvement will suffice. In the eyes of the BCA, even the smallest of improvements will be viewed as compliance.”

The BCA elaborated that an act as simple as buying a seasonal plant and placing it on one’s porch will do. “Take the Muddle residence, for example. The house is in dire need of paint, the deck is falling apart, and the lawn hasn’t been maintained since the George W. Bush administration.”

In cases like these, the BCA is asking the Muddles to choose a home improvement of their choice. “You could pull the weeds in your driveway. Hang a bird feeder. Sweep your porch. Literally any act that lets us know a living, breathing person is still residing there.”

“On some properties, you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a violation,” a spokesperson for the BCA reported on Monday. “Just don’t swing the cat too close to the Muddles’ deck, because it will seriously fall down.”