Indoor Kid Spotted For First Time Since Memorial Day

Indoor kid Billy Screentime was spotted by neighbors yesterday for the first time since Memorial Day. 

Billy emerged from his home on Quail Hill Drive at 8:35am, just in time to catch the school bus to Swift Creek Elementary where he attends the fourth grade. 

Neighbors had gathered for the occasion, and an audible gasp could be hear from the crowd as Billy’s door opened and he stepped into the sunlight for the first time in nearly three months. 

Billy’s fingers seemed to be curled towards his palms, a condition known as “Gamer’s Claw,” not uncommon for children who have tightly grasped a video game controller for the better part of the summer. His skin, the color of printer paper, almost seemed to sizzle when touched by the morning sun. 

Doctors are confident Billy will return to normal in a few weeks. “Daily recess should bring his muscles out of atrophy, and there’s nothing like a public school lunch to cure a vitamin deficiency,” the school nurse told us. 

We at The Beacon wish Billy all the best in fourth grade.