Theories Concerning the Number of Cars in My Neighbor’s Driveway

In the name of science, I’ve compiled a list of theories concerning the obscene number of cars in my neighbor’s driveway. Here’s what I came up with.

1. He’s using them as storage units.

The BCA has some pretty strict guidelines on shed construction, so maybe he’s decided it’s easier to buy a few old jalopies and use them for storage? The cars are pretty cluttered with junk, and the bed of his truck looks like he uses it as a dumpster. I’m calling this one plausible.

2. It’s less expensive to buy another car than to fill his current car with gas.

With skyrocketing gas prices, he may have found it cheaper to buy another car with a full tank of gas than to fill the tank on his current car. Still, it seems like there would be easier ways to source gasoline, like siphoning it from a neighbor’s generator. I mean, that’s what I do. I’m calling this one unlikely.

3. He’s a polygamist.

It’s possible that he has multiple wives, each with their own car. However, I’ve never seen any other evidence that would indicate a ‘Sister Wives’ scenario. He also doesn’t strike me as someone who could maintain a long-term relationship, much less multiple long-term relationships. I’m taking this theory completely off the table.

4. He’s a serial killer and the cars belonged to his many victims.

Perhaps he’s a serial killer and the cars are trophies of sorts? It seems awfully risky to keep your victims’ cars at your house, but then again he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. I’m calling this one plausible.

5. He’s using them to conceal his illegally parked boat.

He has a dilapidated boat at the back of his driveway that is only visible from just the right angle. We all know the BCA doesn’t take kindly to driveway boats, and the cars do an excellent job of screening it from view. I’m calling this one highly likely.

Do you have any other theories that could explain the number of cars at my neighbor’s house? If so, let us know!