Modern Day Outlaw Gunned Down Outside Cracker Barrel Old Country Store

(Hull Street) Outlaw Flapjack Bill and his sidekick Grits N. Graveigh were gunned down by Chesterfield County Marshalls outside the Cracker Barrel Old Country Store on Hull Street late Monday evening.

Shortly after finishing the Momma’s Pancake Breakfast with thick-sliced bacon, two over-easy eggs, and a hot cup of coffee, Flapjack Bill sauntered out onto the porch, rolled a cigarette, and sat down for a smoke on one of the establishment’s college football-themed rocking chairs.

Witnesses reported that Chesterfield Marshalls announced their presence a few moments after Grits emerged with an oversized checkers game he had purchased for his sweetheart.

“We’ve got ya surrounded, Flapjack!” the Marshalls shouted. “Drop yer gun and reach for the sky!” Flapjack reportedly exchanged a brief glance with Grits before slowly standing to his feet. He took a long drag from his cigarette, dropped it to the ground, and peered out from under the brim of his Stetson. Cracker Barrel patrons scattered in all directions as a tumbleweed rolled by.

In the blink of an eye, Flapjack reached for his revolver. A cacophony of shots rang out before Flapjack and Grits fell to the ground. Witnesses couldn’t confirm Flapjack’s precise last words, only that he expressed disappointment that he hadn’t ordered a side of biscuits and gravy.

No services are planned at this time. In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to the Campaign for Breakfast All-Day in Flapjack’s name.