Looming Recession Results in Fewer Trampolines Per Capita

Fear of an economic recession in the coming months has resulted in fewer trampolines per capita, a spokesperson for the Chesterfield Department of Economic Development reported on Wednesday.

A common predictor of wealth, trampoline ownership in Chesterfield County reached an all time high in 2007, just before the Great Recession. Ownership at that time was one trampoline for every four residents. By 2009, that number had dropped to one trampoline for every ten residents, a heartbreaking statistic for the County.

“I remember a time when it seemed like there was a trampoline in every front yard,” said longtime Chesterfield resident Linda Bounce, choking back tears. “The next thing I knew, the closest trampoline was maybe a half mile away."

During the relative economic stability of the following decade, trampoline ownership in the County steadily climbed, even during the COVID-19 pandemic. In recent months, however, the County has seen a sharp drop in trampoline ownership. Experts believe the decline is due to resident apprehension over the future of the economy.

Thankfully, special interest groups such as Make America Bounce Again are lobbying to increase trampoline ownership in the County. "It's hard for most people to believe, but we have kids out there without access to a trampoline," the group's president told us. "Let's spring into action and do something about it."